I find myself in the drums played by my ancestors in virgin lands of sand and sun so long ago
I find myself in smiles of children all over the world
I find myself in hieroglyphics found in the caves of seas somewhere in the east
I find myself in rice valleys worked by peasants and thieves
I find myself in laws of bureaucrats spread in all directions like feathers in the wind
I find myself in structures and buildings made of blood, sweat and tears with fingerprints of pain
I find myself in words written in the air and in papyrus leaves
I am a force to be reckoned with because I am…
I have travelled in the world with my eyes closed
I have learned lessons from my ancestors and from strangers within
I have danced and sung with beasts of all natures
I have talked the talk and walked the walk with pain in my back and tears on my face
I have freed myself from invisible shackles created by imprisoned men
I have embraced the layers of human that can be
I have painted my soul in all colors shades and creeds
Because I am…everything that I have found in memories and pages written in sprinkles of spirit
Just because I found myself!
I have been a slave to fear
Over the last few years
Slave to these negative thoughts
That’s consumed me
Every step was calculated by the voices in my head
Insecurities that resounded in every move
I couldn’t identify them because fear was unknown to me some time ago
I didn’t believe it
I didn’t speak it
I didn’t need it
There is something about this fear thing
It creeps in when you least expect it
It plants seeds when you’re not looking
And the minute you sway,
Oh there goes fear!
And it grew and it planted roots and it clawed it’s way to my heart!
Second guessing myself and my abilities,
Question my love and my forgiveness,
Doubting my sanity!
But today oh dear fear of mine, you have been uprooted and thrown away!
There is no room for you and I to live in the same space,
Because I make things happen
Because I build things
Because I carry my head held high no matter how scary it can get!
Checkpoints in my life created by dedication and work …not fear!
Thank you for all you have taught me and most importantly that I don’t need you!
I am a slave no more!
I wish words had power,
Not just power to move you and make you think,
Power to actions!
It saddens me that living in 2014 we still have to experience the abuse, the threat, the fear, the disgust, the disbelief that the struggle continues of the have and have nots…no I did not say race!
Because this is not about race, this is about the abuse of power that some have and other do not!
Being of a different color shouldn’t make anyone a have not but to some it does!
Some believe because they carry a badge and gun they can do and say as they please without ever having to justify why they do what they do because their brothers in arm will have their back.
But who has the backs of those that they swore to serve and protect?!!
I am not saying all law enforcement agents have these beliefs or that they abuse their power but the same way us colored folks us brown folks us red folks (yeah you Latinos fall under this category no matter how light skin you are!!!) are stereotyped daily so are the men and women in crispy blues with a badge and a gun!
It saddens me that a country that calls itself the melting pot, that was founded by all sorts of people …people with all sorts of backgrounds …people…just people….can today be criticized and ridiculed by the actions of the institution set in place to serve and protect it’s people!!!
All people no matter what race no matter what status no matter what conditions are to be represented and protected!
Isn’t that why we have officials in office that are supposedly put in place by the people?
Has the USA not called itself a democratic country? A country for it’s people?
I wish there were power to actions!
Not violence but actions that would make a great impact where the “haves” notice that they wouldn’t “have” anything if it weren’t for the “have nots.”
I am yours
I’ve been yours for a while now
It took time for me to realize that this is true
Been hiding behind thick walls
Been afraid to show you I care
Been so used to playing with fools
That it’s taken some time for me to accept the caliber of man that stands before me
A man I can respect
A man that I can be proud of
A man that is dedicated and ambitious
A man that challenges me
A man that I give the reigns to
So I am saying it now
I am yours
I may play the tough role
But I am yours
I may act distant
But I am yours
When one gets use to the pain
It takes time to acknowledge the sweet sensation
When one is use to tears
It takes patience to notice the laughters and smiles
I am not perfect far from it
But I will try to be all you deserve me to be
Because I am yours!
And I apologize for all the fighting that was my own to simply accept that
I am yours!
Thoughts on paper Grasped wings
Words in ink Swam in oceans
Rainbows encircled the world
Captured ever gasp that was heard
Tears flowed in perfect harmony
As songs of joy filled the air
For a moment in time of perfection
Sometimes it seems that we work so hard and try so hard and no matter what we do it just slips within our grasp. On those days I remember this poem.
A Dream Within A Dream by Edgar Allan Poe
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow–
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand–
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep–while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
Time changes things
There was once a me
That was a daredevil
That would leap in a heartbeat
Without a thought or care
Driven to make things happen
Jump into projects
Open to all
Because somewhere there was a source of innocence
That believed that all would work itself out
That no matter how dark it seemed
Or how deep the hole
There was nothing I couldn’t do
Trusted and believed those that stood by me
Because my love was pure I expected the same
There was a place of all or nothing
No matter the consequence
But time changes things
It’s a constant double guessing
Your own shadow you question
Questioning the ability to judge characters and decisions
So separation is key
Because I am not the same that I use to be
The innocence is gone
The daredevil is gone
So here stands this driven women with desires to leap to run to jump
But the shackles of the past hinder me
Past failures past falls past cuts and bruises
One never truly heals
I just learned how to crawl til I walked again
I learned how to smile with tears running down my face
I learned that all that stand by me
Don’t want me to shine
So I keep them close
Because they remind me
Of all the times I have given and given some more
Because I don’t stand empty handed
And it’s taken some time
But the fear is now gone
I can’t call myself fearless
Yet there is no fear of the unknown
Because I have been there
I have scraped the bottom of the barrel
Time changes things
How nice it would be to talk to little old me
Forewarn of all the things to come
Time changes things
With laughter and tears
I still stand here
A little more cautious
A little less rebellious
But open to those that are true
And everyday as I continue to stumble and pick myself up
I see traces of the old me
Me being me
Free and daring!