I was recently going thru old emails in an old account that I have not seen in a very long time and it amazed me what Cassy version 23 was compared to Cassy now. Its not so much the age and maturity factor, its the dreams, the aspirations, the visions, the path ahead. I was young and focused and determined and open to the world and all it had to give.
I lost that along the way maybe because of all my falls and all the deceptions and all the lies. Life has a way of darkening the soul even when you don’t want it to. Some call it experience others call it cleansing, I call it coloring.
As I went thru the numerous folders, I experienced a vast of emotions. I had one folder specifically designated to emails that my besties and I would send while in class and at work, all day long lol this was before texting became the big thing. (Damn I am old!!) The amounts of nonsense that would transpire in these emails are hysterical. But we lived by them daily!! I guess that explains why I am a text addict!
(I, Casilda F. Lora, am addicted to texting! LOL)
I found a folder full of pictures uploaded from various cameras. Moments in time, moments that will NEVER be, People that have come and gone, Love faded. This was a bittersweet moment. Made me think of the many things that I have walked away from without a hesitation (that I shouldn’t have) and those many things that I have fought to stay by every step of the way (that I shouldn’t have). It made me appreciate those friendships that have blossomed into extended families and accept those that have faded away into memories. The biggest surprise of all is the realization that the majority of my friends are people I have known for the majority of my life. It made me realize that at times we must pause and take a look back at those moments and those people that have partaken in them, be it good or bad.
I went thru a folder of old love letters or rather emails. Its funny how fickle the heart is. How feelings and emotions that were once there can come to life with a simple memory. Raw emotions brought forth by insignificant words.
My goal was simply to empty my emails not to have an emotional flashback to a time where my colors were bright, where my actions were ruled by my courageous heart (my bold job searches and applications) and I realized why I never erased any of my emails…they are moments that remind me of how far I have come along. They remind me of ME and the me I wasn’t afraid to be, the me that was focused and driven and refused to be side tracked by anything that life thru her way.