Daddy Issues

Watching fathers be father always brings a smile to my face
Yes I know they are what they are suppose to
But so many fathers think that just because a carries their genes that’s enough
They forget that being a father is caring it’s nurturing it’s protecting it’s giving it’s loving it’s teaching it’s molding
It’s not being after the fact
After your grown and can take care of yourself
After you learned how to protect yourself
After you searched and craved for his attention in the men you associated with
Believing that somehow that would fill the void
Now I smile and silently watch as fathers play their role no matter how big or small
Because I know what it’s feels like to go without
I carry his last name, I have some of his features
But my daddy doesn’t know me
Because he never bothered
And maybe he cared in his own way and just didn’t know how to show it
I am not saying he doesn’t love me because in his own way he does
But he was never a daddy to me he was never the male role model that he was suppose to be
He is the man that gave me life
He is the man that taught me after all the crying and attention seeking
That I don’t need his approval or anyone else’s
That I am part of him and part of my mother
Taught me that my mother did a great job with all her flaws and her mistakes because she picked up his slack she did his job and did hers
I remember a time when watching father daughter dances would make me cry
Because I wanted to be a daddy’s girl so bad
But now I am grateful for the appreciation the admiration that I hold for fathers that are fathers that are dads …that place their children in the highest regard!
For me I don’t think the void will ever be filled because no matter how cool my father and I are now …he wasn’t there for those make or break moments he wasn’t there for many milestones …all I can do is continue to build a friendship with a man that in many aspects remains a stranger to me but everyone else calls my father.

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