Late night reflections

In order to be grateful for what we have, sometimes we have to take a step back and look back and see how far you have come.
I guess today was my day!
Life has not been the easiest and yes they could have been worst but for the bads that we had they left their bruises and scars. And sometimes we don’t realize what they are because what becomes normal is not really normal but just a way to survive!
Boy have I survived!
I have lived thru things that if you didn’t experience with me, you won’t know about it because I refuse to talk about them. Things that have made me a but rougher a bit tougher very much the survivor the fighter and while at times there is no hope, full of hopes and dreams not just for myself but everyone around me.
I realize that as jaded as I am, I have never lost the idea that everyone has something good in them, that everyone deserves a chance because God knows if I would have been judged based on some actions, I would have never had a chance to grow as a human being as an individual!
Despite the insecurities despite the abuse despite the darkest days, some how some way I have always managed to if needed crawl my way to picking myself up and attempting to build for myself.
Experience taught me at an early age to fend for myself in every way possible! Anything and everything I want I have to work for because nothing is given for free.
I have never expected hand downs or gifts!
I am loyal to a fault at times!
It’s not about those around me, it’s about me and what I perceive as right or wrong or what my spirit allows to receive.
Despite so many examples of hate and indifference that were embedded in me from very early on, I believe that love can make a difference! The love of self the love for others the love for your community the love for those to come after you the love for those before you the infinite love.
So all my life I wanted to make a difference like all those that made a difference in mine, that touched my life even if just for a second and changed something in me.
From the teacher that introduced me to the endless world of books to my first love and all the heartaches.
Today I realize that I have gone down dark holes and have come out alive, out of sheer determination and will.
I have learned very important life lessons.
But most importantly I have learned to forgive myself for all the ups and downs that I have allowed myself to get into.
Human I am and I will continue to make mistakes but I will continue to grow, always trying to be a better me than I was yesterday!

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