I can’t shake this feeling This insane feeling of being trapped
Trapped in an invisible box
A box filled with lies,
Every turn covered in traumatic emotions
And we fake bubble gum dreams
And we fake fairy tales that we continuously tell
And for every rainbow
There were blood, sweat and tears
Death filled days
That succumb our every emotion
That shatter our glitter filled stories
So how can I shake this feeling of doom?
A million thoughts running thru my had Plans, memories all intertwined
Trying to be the best that I can possibly be
Paving ways to what tomorrow has for me
The ideas that over take my head
The mistakes that make me take pause
In a different place than I was yesterday but somehow the dreams remain the same
How will I get to the place where I have always seen myself
The aesthetics change but the goal remains the same
Visions and visions of tomorrow have played for years in this head of mine
Sometimes it feels so close
And at times so far
Dreams that survive from heartache from fear from pain
Dreams become chameleons attached to the soul of a little girl that was content with so little
A little with big dreams that didn’t belong to the time and place
Fast forward to the woman before you with the same big dreams
Sometimes it seems that we work so hard and try so hard and no matter what we do it just slips within our grasp. On those days I remember this poem.
A Dream Within A Dream by Edgar Allan Poe
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow–
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand–
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep–while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
I toss and turn with memories of what use to be
Episodes captured in dreams
A happiness that only exists in those brief moments
For the morning comes
And a mask comes on
And the worries of the world fade away
Longing for those moments captured in memory
Trapped in the thin membrane in your head
Relive every second
Savor every flavor
Touch every inch
But when the eyelids part
It’s back to a reality that I don’t want to be in
A black and white film that I am trapped in
That I only escape when my head hits the pillow
Reminisce every single second
Let me live in my memories where everything shines so bright
With my eyes closed and my troubles so light
For it seems these moments I try to capture don’t compare to those dreamt at night
Mirror mirror on the wall…
You have seen it all
But today what do you see?
Do you see shattered dreams?
Do you see tear streaked faces?
Do you see anything at all?
Who’s the fairest of them all…
Do you see past the fakes smiles?
Do you see past the made up faces?
Do you see past the elaborate costumes?
Fairy tales written over and over again
But these are not fairytale steps we take daily
These were the words missing from the happy ending
Mirror mirror on the wall…
Can you see the blisters and scars?
Can you feel the pressure and the pain?
Can you touch the deepest parts of these stories?
Fairytales missing soul and passion
Missing the ordeals faced before that happy ending