Symphonies 

Long ago in a land faraway Lived a girl a small naive sheltered girl 

That found adventure and passion 

In sounds and melodies from artists hearts 

Smiles and tears from lyrics sometimes unknown to her 

She hmmmm to songs of love and hate 

She discovered escape routes from her daily 

When it hurt the must she would sing at the top of her lungs to songs that spoke to her soul 

While the world around her crumbled 

She created fantasy stages where she would wow the world with strings, percussions, notes 

With every sunrise and sunset, she embraced rhythm and blues with a little hard bass 

When reality became too harsh for her years 

The beating of the drums took her away on trips far far away 

And every time she felt that she lost a little more of her innocence, she belted doooo reeeeee meeee faaaaa sooooooo until she drowned out all the other sounds 

She encrusted her souls with melodies and rhythms from all around the world to create her own symphonies! 

Late night thoughts –running from the past 

It’s feels like I am on a fast train to the past, a past filled with pain and confusion , a past a ran from as soon as I could.

The past that shaped these deep and dark insecurities that I hide every chance I get. 

It’s as if I torture myself by being in this place in this time reliving moments that broke me that shattered me when no one was there to help me 

I had to learn how to crawl thru the shattered glass that was my soul, bandage up the pieces that I could to attempt to make a run from it and save myself 

They say you have to face your past and push thru it so that you can let it go and I wonder if this is what I am doing now? Living thru this moment, pushing thru the tears and this insane urge to just run as far away as possible!! 

It all seems grey! 

It all seems grey All shades of grey 

Insecurities of all that surrounds me 

Questioning career choices 

Debating about life choices 

All choices made by me 

Were they made out of fear? 

Or was it determination? 

Or just a bit of stubborn? 

Second guessing yourself in all you do 

It all seems grey 

All shades of grey 

The constant feeling of being a nomad 

Of never truly belonging anywhere 

The little voice inside my head constantly screaming 

It all seems grey 

All shades of grey 

No reassurance of being suffice 

No clear direction 

An up hill climb to just survive 

To just have the bare essentials 

It all seems grey 

All shades of grey 

When you know this is not you 

Where all the rain drops don’t seem like gumdrops 

When the obstacles just seem too big 

Back to me! 

U find urself pleasing people When u have always prided urself 

In marching to the beat of ur own drums 

Somehow along the way 

It was easier to conform then to be u 

But as u look back was it easier? 

Or simply a cop out? 

Constantly question ur decisions…

As if others opinions really have any weight 

Thru all the ups and downs 

U made it here with rare and fews 

That supported decisions made 

But in no form or fashion infringed in ur thought 

It’s that time to completely erase this version of u

Place it up top on a shelf where no one can find

And be true to urself 

The u that u have always been 

The u that conforms to those bitty bopping ideas

The u that questions the world while breaking way 

Creating new paths where no one imagined them 

Fighting with actions not words and fists 

Sitting back and laughing for that moment 

When suddenly ur weird or crazy is suddenly acceptable 
I am tired of fighting for all the wrong reasons 

For reasons oblivious to myself 

I will fight for me and mine 

I will fight the dreams that have yet to one true 

I will fight for all those things that have been yanked from being 

I will fight for my heart 

Oh sweet poison

Let the warm scotch warm my veins Pause My broken heart 

Fill the void of my thoughts 

Invigorate my inner voice 

Numb all emotions and feelings 

Oh sweet poison 

Take me away from this place 

Let me dream of days gone by 

Of days I wish I had

Oh sweet poison 

Erase the pain of my memories 

Breathe life into my shattered soul 

Let my body sway to the rhythm circulating within 

Let my heart beat to the pulses of your brown skin 

Dear old scotch be my friend tonight 

When voices go unheard and people unseen 

Friday night thoughts in bed 

The hardest part of relaxing is just that relaxing! 

After going at a thousand miles an hour all day, constantly making decisions and talking to about a hundred people 

After your brain keeps going of what to do next, how you are going to this,how you will fix that 

After constantly planning and multi tasking 

Relaxing seems so hard! 

Unwinding and just being seems so difficult 

Your brain wants to keep going keeping running on E but your body just doesn’t cooperate 

But I am not busy enough for some people 

My life is not hectic enough 

But my body tells me otherwise 

Growing up…nope! 

All this time rushing To be here in this place 

Being called a grown up 

And words as maturity and responsibilities 

Are constantly thrown around 

If I had known that this is what growing up consistent of 

I would have made sure to scrap my knees a few more time 

Climbed a few more trees every chance I got 

Dance a little longer 

Laughed a little harder 

Because all this wishing and praying to be an adult 

For what? 

To add on the struggles of those who raised me 

Nope I am good 

Let me be 5 and read about picture books and eat some ice cream and watch some cartoons 

A place where responsibility was washing my face and eating my dinner