Mother 

It’s amazing how things can be embedded so deep inside of you And you forever go in search of the answers to the why 

And it’s been there all along 

Encrusted in your every being 

Made in the sound of your mothers voice 

Sounds that destroy and crumble 

Sounds that create monsters inside souls 

Insecurities fed by the words of mothers 
All the books can’t erase the scars of your words 

Not the songs memorized in my head 

Not the many nights of being inebriated 

Not the millions tears spilled through out all these years 

Not the billion fuck you and fuck the world you keep screaming out loud 
Because the words repeat over and over 

The scars deepen and darken 

The walls grow stronger, cemented by your insecurities 

Your insecurities that you assured to encrust into my soul from the minute I could crawl 
I have walked a million miles away from you 

I have written stories my stories full of chapters with nothing to do with you 

But the more I walk away from you 

The closer I get 
I vowed moons ago 

When the reality of me ever being like you 

That if ever I was blessed with being a mother

There would never be a question of love 

There would never be a bigger fan 

Queen of the jungle, protector of the pride, huntress!! 

I would build never destroy the oh so sensitive soul of my legacies! 

Ramblings-Children and parents

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLIAN TO ME WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU GAIN FROM NOT ALLOWING OR PERMITTING YOUR CHILDREN TO SPEND TIME OR EVEN TALK TO THEIR FATHER? WHO DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU ARE HURTING? YOU CLAIM YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR CHILD AND THEN IN TURN HURT THEM. YES THAT’S THE ONE YOU ARE HURTING!!! THE CHILD HAS NO FAULT OF WHO THEIR PARENTS ARE THAT CHOICE WAS MADE BY YOU!!!
OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS I HAVE HEARD ONE TOO MANY STORIES ABOUT CUSTODY AND VISITATION RIGHTS BETWEEN PARENTS.

BEING THE PRODUCT OF A TUG OF WAR BETWEEN PARENTS, I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS…..GROW UP!!!! IF YOU CHOSE NOT TO BE TOGETHER FOR WHATEVER REASON, NO MATTER IF THEIR WAS FAULT OR NOT…GET OVER IT!!! LEARN HOW TO WORK TOGETHER TO PROVIDE YOUR CHILD (BECAUSE IT IS YOUR CHILD AND YOUR RESPONSIBILITY) WITH ALL THAT THEY NEED.

YOUR MAIN CONCERN SHOULD BE PROVIDING ALL THE NECESSITIES FOR YOUR CHILD TO BE HEALTHY AND EDUCATED AND A DECENT HUMAN BEING!!
CHILDREN ARE VERY PERSCEPTIVE TO WHAT GOES ON AROUND THEM! SO BEFORE THE BICKERING AND THE FIGHTING BEGINS…STOP!!!!

CHILDREN ARE NOT PAWNS!!! STOP USING THEM AS SUCH!!!

BEING A SINGLE PARENT IS HARDWORK! BUT I AM GRATEFUL FOR MY MOTHER WHO DID TWICE THE WORK TO MAKE SURE WE WERE TAKEN CARE OF. AS AN ADULT I CAN NOW APPRECIATE ALL SHE DID FOR MY SISTERS AND I.

Daddy Issues

Watching fathers be father always brings a smile to my face
Yes I know they are what they are suppose to
But so many fathers think that just because a carries their genes that’s enough
They forget that being a father is caring it’s nurturing it’s protecting it’s giving it’s loving it’s teaching it’s molding
It’s not being after the fact
After your grown and can take care of yourself
After you learned how to protect yourself
After you searched and craved for his attention in the men you associated with
Believing that somehow that would fill the void
Now I smile and silently watch as fathers play their role no matter how big or small
Because I know what it’s feels like to go without
I carry his last name, I have some of his features
But my daddy doesn’t know me
Because he never bothered
And maybe he cared in his own way and just didn’t know how to show it
I am not saying he doesn’t love me because in his own way he does
But he was never a daddy to me he was never the male role model that he was suppose to be
He is the man that gave me life
He is the man that taught me after all the crying and attention seeking
That I don’t need his approval or anyone else’s
That I am part of him and part of my mother
Taught me that my mother did a great job with all her flaws and her mistakes because she picked up his slack she did his job and did hers
I remember a time when watching father daughter dances would make me cry
Because I wanted to be a daddy’s girl so bad
But now I am grateful for the appreciation the admiration that I hold for fathers that are fathers that are dads …that place their children in the highest regard!
For me I don’t think the void will ever be filled because no matter how cool my father and I are now …he wasn’t there for those make or break moments he wasn’t there for many milestones …all I can do is continue to build a friendship with a man that in many aspects remains a stranger to me but everyone else calls my father.

Can u?

U say that’s it unconditional
But its always been conditional to ur rules and ur moods
U say it’s everlasting
But u constantly put constraints
U say u will always be there
But when I need u most ur nowhere

And it’s not that I need u to care
It’s more that I want u to care
Ur lessons, ur words, ur thoughts
Have shaped me
Whether I agree or not
But I am who I am today because of u

U constantly see my flaws
Can u see my strengths?
U constantly see my anger
Can u see my happy?
U judge my ways
Can u congratulate my persistence?
I shame ur name with my mouth
Can u see how I defend and fight for u?

Can u appease the little girl in me that all she needs is a hug?
Can u soothe the teenager in me that needs an “I love you” every now and then?
Can you guide the young adult in me that needs some tough love?
Can you respect the adult I have become?