Follow your dreams they say

Work hard they say

And you shall achieve you have ever wanted …..

Well I have worked hard

I have given my blood sweat and Tears

And I am just another face in the crowd

I am the comfort zone for it all

Never enough

Never the one

So many dreams shattered to pieces

And the clock keeps ticking

And they don’t come true

Seems like I am throwing in the towel

Just swimming with the pool of fishes

Just saying fuck it all

Dreams on paper

Paving way for someone else’s path

But it never works for me

Chase your dreams they say

Work hard they say

And everyone grasps the stars but me


Late Night Thoughts 

Don’t know why I keep thinking so much 

Worrying about things I can’t control 

Scared to death of the emotions deep inside 

Because I’m so used to being hurt and left behind 

Great at hiding the dark parts of my soul with exaggerated laughters and dramatic angers 

Assuring no one sees the tears full of insecurities 

Nods of emotions embedded so long ago that letting go is such a puzzle 

When feeling happy is weighed down with the nagging feeling of your past 

A past that sneaks it’s ugly claws in the moment you swear you have it all figured out 

Smooth edges hardened thru the years of pushing back of fighting back 

Never needing anything but the pages of my books taking me away from the reality in which I lived 

Busted my ass to move forward and up away from it all 

But buried in the moments of memories rooted in my soul are the never ending disappointments by those that claimed they loved me by a society that continuously wanted to weigh me down by a culture that trapped me and boxed me 

I think so much of things that should be buried 

But they rise from the dead when my heart hurts and my silent cries fill my bed reminding me that I should be used to them by now

My problem….

Maybe my problem is I care too much 
Maybe my problem is I don’t care at all 
It’s always a problem 
I don’t have a problem with being alone 
But I do have a problem with feeling lonely 
I don’t have a problem with speaking my mind 
But I do have a problem with saying too much 
I trust too easy 
I give too much 
I love hard 
And I hate harder 
I can give my all 
I can give nothing 
I can face the world and it’s problems head on 
But I have a problem 
The same force that propels me forward is the same force that builds fear in me 
My problem is not what they say is what they feel 
My problem is not what they think is what they don’t think 
I was built to stand alone on my own two feet 
But my problem is I don’t want to 
It’s a contradiction this world of mine 
A constant struggle to find balance where balance doesn’t exist 
My problem is that hurt runs deep and the love runs deeper 
My problem is that there is so much too say but so little that it can change 
My problem is that I don’t have nothing else to say and that kills me 
My problem is my past 
My problem is my future 
It’s fantasies created in childhood dreams 
It’s dreams built on sweat and tears 
My problem is my temper that fuels the bullets that spray from my mouth shaped as words and phrases 
My problem is no problem at all 
When I can just be …just be me! 

Take a moment 

When your soul hurts and your heart breaks 

When the pain seems unbearable 

When the tears just overflow 

Take a moment 

For the memories to roll

For the laughters to replay 

For the heart to remember 

Stop and breathe

Silence and reflection 

Prayers and whispers 

When it becomes crippling

Hold on to the moments were it didn’t hurt 

Embrace the strength buried deep inside 

Take a moment 

Affirmations to fuel the strength 

Give Time to fill the void 

And Love to heal the soul 

Late Night Thoughts-Fear

Fear is a powerful thing
It can motivate you to move forward
Or hold you back from all the wonderful things you can imagine but somehow can’t accept into reality
Fear of the unknown
Fear of the reality

We get used to so much pain
We get used to living without
We get used to living with the bare essentials

Suddenly all the hard work all the hustle and bustle all the rights and wrongs
Lead you to the one place where you always imagined to be
And yet the one thing that holds you back, has you running in circles
Is fear!!!

Moment in time

Walking in a trance
As music plays in the radio
As life goes on around us
We face the reality of closing a chapter
Replaying memories
And each step brings us closer to reality
Put smile on our faces
To cover the pain
Not wanting to reflect those crazy thoughts in our head
Keep busy with nonsense
So we can’t feel
How can I be strong for you when I am breaking down inside?
How can I tell you it’s going to be ok, when we both know it will never be alright?
I hold your hand and you hold mine, tears streaming down your face and in silence we sit as we let memories play in our minds
Because there is nothing I can say to make it go away and there is nothing you can do to make it all ok…
So we sit and listen to those around us trying to make you smile
Watch as your legacies walk by and know they need you now
You squeeze my and I look at you and smile
Slowly let go so I can watch them for a while!

I promise!

I promise to be different!

I promise to be me!

I promise not to let anyone direct my movie!

I promise to love unconditionally and insanely!

I promise to be true to those that always have my best interest at heart to those that love me unconditionally to those that I cherish!

I promise to care for myself because my body is my temple and nobody can take care of me the way I take care of me!

I promise to always be honest especially with myself!

I promise to not let hurt and pain change me!

I promise to seek knowledge every chance I get!

I promise to live, to treasure every moment as if they were my last as if tomorrow never existed!

I promise to fulfill those desires that continuously motivate me!

I promise to show my feelings, not emotions, to let people know I care even when they could care less!

I promise to stand firm against adversity!

I promise to remain loyal to my beliefs and my standards!

I promise to create a story that those to come would be proud of!

But must importantly if I break any of these promises, I promise to keep trying time and time again!