Follow your dreams they say
Work hard they say
And you shall achieve you have ever wanted …..
Well I have worked hard
I have given my blood sweat and Tears
And I am just another face in the crowd
I am the comfort zone for it all
Never the one
So many dreams shattered to pieces
And the clock keeps ticking
And they don’t come true
Seems like I am throwing in the towel
Just swimming with the pool of fishes
Just saying fuck it all
Dreams on paper
Paving way for someone else’s path
But it never works for me
Chase your dreams they say
Work hard they say
And everyone grasps the stars but me
Don’t know why I keep thinking so much
Worrying about things I can’t control
Scared to death of the emotions deep inside
Because I’m so used to being hurt and left behind
Great at hiding the dark parts of my soul with exaggerated laughters and dramatic angers
Assuring no one sees the tears full of insecurities
Nods of emotions embedded so long ago that letting go is such a puzzle
When feeling happy is weighed down with the nagging feeling of your past
A past that sneaks it’s ugly claws in the moment you swear you have it all figured out
Smooth edges hardened thru the years of pushing back of fighting back
Never needing anything but the pages of my books taking me away from the reality in which I lived
Busted my ass to move forward and up away from it all
But buried in the moments of memories rooted in my soul are the never ending disappointments by those that claimed they loved me by a society that continuously wanted to weigh me down by a culture that trapped me and boxed me
I think so much of things that should be buried
But they rise from the dead when my heart hurts and my silent cries fill my bed reminding me that I should be used to them by now
When your soul hurts and your heart breaks
When the pain seems unbearable
When the tears just overflow
Take a moment
For the memories to roll
For the laughters to replay
For the heart to remember
Stop and breathe
Silence and reflection
Prayers and whispers
When it becomes crippling
Hold on to the moments were it didn’t hurt
Embrace the strength buried deep inside
Take a moment
Affirmations to fuel the strength
Give Time to fill the void
And Love to heal the soul
Fear is a powerful thing
It can motivate you to move forward
Or hold you back from all the wonderful things you can imagine but somehow can’t accept into reality
Fear of the unknown
Fear of the reality
We get used to so much pain
We get used to living without
We get used to living with the bare essentials
Suddenly all the hard work all the hustle and bustle all the rights and wrongs
Lead you to the one place where you always imagined to be
And yet the one thing that holds you back, has you running in circles
Walking in a trance
As music plays in the radio
As life goes on around us
We face the reality of closing a chapter
And each step brings us closer to reality
Put smile on our faces
To cover the pain
Not wanting to reflect those crazy thoughts in our head
Keep busy with nonsense
So we can’t feel
How can I be strong for you when I am breaking down inside?
How can I tell you it’s going to be ok, when we both know it will never be alright?
I hold your hand and you hold mine, tears streaming down your face and in silence we sit as we let memories play in our minds
Because there is nothing I can say to make it go away and there is nothing you can do to make it all ok…
So we sit and listen to those around us trying to make you smile
Watch as your legacies walk by and know they need you now
You squeeze my and I look at you and smile
Slowly let go so I can watch them for a while!
I promise to be different!
I promise to be me!
I promise not to let anyone direct my movie!
I promise to love unconditionally and insanely!
I promise to be true to those that always have my best interest at heart to those that love me unconditionally to those that I cherish!
I promise to care for myself because my body is my temple and nobody can take care of me the way I take care of me!
I promise to always be honest especially with myself!
I promise to not let hurt and pain change me!
I promise to seek knowledge every chance I get!
I promise to live, to treasure every moment as if they were my last as if tomorrow never existed!
I promise to fulfill those desires that continuously motivate me!
I promise to show my feelings, not emotions, to let people know I care even when they could care less!
I promise to stand firm against adversity!
I promise to remain loyal to my beliefs and my standards!
I promise to create a story that those to come would be proud of!
But must importantly if I break any of these promises, I promise to keep trying time and time again!