Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder

Where oh where is all the magic in the fairy tales we grew up reading?

Could it all be imagination in millions of little girls across the globe?

Shouldn’t there be some truth in all the fuzzy bubbly world created by hope and dreams?

Sometimes I wonder

If I wasn’t the women that grew up with the fuzzy bubbly beliefs,

If with all the harsh lessons life has taught, why I still believe in the make believe?

Sometimes I wonder

If this is all simply an illusions created by our darkest deepest desires?



Follow your dreams they say

Work hard they say

And you shall achieve you have ever wanted …..

Well I have worked hard

I have given my blood sweat and Tears

And I am just another face in the crowd

I am the comfort zone for it all

Never enough

Never the one

So many dreams shattered to pieces

And the clock keeps ticking

And they don’t come true

Seems like I am throwing in the towel

Just swimming with the pool of fishes

Just saying fuck it all

Dreams on paper

Paving way for someone else’s path

But it never works for me

Chase your dreams they say

Work hard they say

And everyone grasps the stars but me

I can’t shake this feeling! 

I can’t shake this feeling This insane feeling of being trapped 

Trapped in an invisible box 

A box filled with lies, 




Every turn covered in traumatic emotions 

Crippling experiences 
And we fake bubble gum dreams 

And we fake fairy tales that we continuously tell 

And for every rainbow 

There were blood, sweat and tears 
Death filled days 

That succumb our every emotion 

That shatter our glitter filled stories 
So how can I shake this feeling of doom? 

It all seems grey! 

It all seems grey All shades of grey 

Insecurities of all that surrounds me 

Questioning career choices 

Debating about life choices 

All choices made by me 

Were they made out of fear? 

Or was it determination? 

Or just a bit of stubborn? 

Second guessing yourself in all you do 

It all seems grey 

All shades of grey 

The constant feeling of being a nomad 

Of never truly belonging anywhere 

The little voice inside my head constantly screaming 

It all seems grey 

All shades of grey 

No reassurance of being suffice 

No clear direction 

An up hill climb to just survive 

To just have the bare essentials 

It all seems grey 

All shades of grey 

When you know this is not you 

Where all the rain drops don’t seem like gumdrops 

When the obstacles just seem too big 

Here’s to…

Here’s to the dreamer in you That doesn’t know how to give up 

That thru the tears and frustrations 

Continues to fight 
Here’s to the fighter in you 

Whose tenacity propels you forward 

To places that you never even dreamed of 

Whose strength compares to no other 

Because to what some is broken to others it’s shedding dead skin 
Here’s to the believer in you 

Whose faith in self and others allows you to keep moving forward when all you see is an abyss 

Seeking for something that no one else sees 
Here’s to the lover in you 

Who continues to believe in people 

Who continues to fight for all those values that today seem unicorn like 

Who dream and achieve exactly what they are seeking 
Here’s to you 

Here’s to me 

For trying everyday to be 




Here’s for getting up every time we get knocked down 

For defying the labels and stigmas attached to every “failure” 

For pushing past the insignificant shadows and nay Sayers 

For liberating ourselves of all the dead weight 

Here’s for being human 

And erring every step of the way 

And allowing the tears to wash away the pain to be 




Here’s to us! 


In search for happy I found a path full of tears and pains 

A path no one speaks of 

Because happy is not a bubble gum filled rainbow 

but a desolate road filled with strange sounds

Tested and tried is happy 

That is only shared with the rare and few 

For happy is a word known to all but rarely ever seen 

With tear stricken faces I smile and feel my heart filled with happy 

Random thoughts of love, loyalty and friends

We live in a web of lies that we continue to tell ourselves Where simple words have no meaning 

Love, loyalty and friends don’t mean the same thing they use to mean 

The childhood veil has lifted 

Intoxicated from the reality 

I believed in fairytales but forgot how grotesque they really are not the Disney version that we all have become so accustomed to 

It all leaves a trail of bloodshed tears that others don’t seem to notice 

It hardens the heart 

And you dig to feel something other than pain and indifference where there once was as care and sensitivity 

The influx of memories that play and replay and make it so hard for that cozy feeling to ever come back 

Wondering what you ever believed in